Shattered, a past.

Today the number 7 made a big deal upon me...because it's my favorite number. 7 years ago when I was 14 I had began to follow Vincint (with the i, not an e) Windst, and for as long as I can remember, become twisted. After the end of everything I had with Vincent, I found out his name was really Chris, and Windst he had made up...just incase anyone wonder why I have that name, it's because of him, and how he changed my views on society at such a young age, right before I truly found confusion in right and wrong between the friendships of me, Vincent and Sara versus that of Phil and Joe. Talked to Joe as well today, whom I realized i've known just as long, and unlike Vincent was a lot creepier, with who knows what kind of past...but his intention all along I guess was to keep me from making the choices I have..and had I listened I think 2006 would of never happened, and maybe even have a stable family..but I would have never learned all these life experiences, suffered, or learn the truth about what a common person would not know. Lately I have by chance hear a song or for no reason at all take a moment with a random part of my past. Be it as a child with my twin, high school days of being King, the fullfilling moments of adrenaline I had for chain beating people, crushing peoples emotional levels, many times with my spectacular past romantic lives. All the best music is now hard to listen too, I can't even listen to Starsailor without being sad.

Christmas is coming up, a bad time, with my Birthday as followed by Megs, but also remember this girl named Kylie I think I knew when I was 16 who came all the way from who knows where to see me, and get nothing but rejection. I found out from Lawrence Anderson "The Destroyer" as they called him that she had committed suicide not too long after.

I've talked to Alissa agian, my long time friend, another of 7 years, but that hasn't really gone anywhere, though since that day she and I spoke I really wish we had our bond back...because I'm well aware she's the only person with the answers or the memories I needed at the time to remember I am Jon Cheung and not David Windst. I talked to her right after my last normal phone call with a girl I was dating for a while named Susie Lee who I had barely dated for two weeks. An amazing girl indeed who opened my eyes than any other girl, and not end on harsh terms with. I gained back Alissa with nothing but a dead bond, and lost a girl who maybe could of been something intense. But I am Jon Cheung, and that is not how I live. Or maybe because of Alissa David could exist..I can be David again? Ha, no of coarse not. I guess in the long right, I may have been right with morals logic reason and so forth, but the two girls and Alissa and Susie made me realize, that that doesn't matter when it comes to feelings. I've apologized to Susie, to what she deserves, but as for Alissa, I don't even know where to begin. I think it'll go back to how it begun years back, but nothing further once I repent.

Oh Holidays, did I mention i'm helping kids this X-Mas, homeless children in atlanta the eves before. I feel its to self relate kinda, maybe a repent. Honestly the sad part is, i dont know why i'm doing it. I think.

Remember when I had a room?

Ya? It's gone

Mehhhh

Least it's nice to know I was loony back in high school.




All in all, clearly I hate looking back on the past, because that's where I want to be.